He is Jealous for Me.

I haven't blogged in such a long time. I have had this stirring in me to get my fingers moving again, so I'm going to throw a post out there and see how it goes. :)

I have recently over the last few months just completely fallen in love with the Lord again. I don't remember feeling this way, honestly, since I was a kid. This feeling of pure surrender and joy. Joy seems to flow even though there is complete chaos all around me, *ehem* (mom of two small children) and I love this feeling. I went to Women of Faith with my sister a week ago, it was so refreshing. I love being in God's presence and feeling him all around me. The well inside my heart is overflowing.

One thing that I started at that time, July I believe, was reading my Bible every day. I have never done this in my life. Not ever. I remember praying for years for God to just give me this passion to read and journal, but it never happened. I never allowed it to happen. Its funny to me how we can ask God for things and think he doesn't listen, when in reality he is just waiting for us to put in the elbow grease and jump in with both feet. Once I cracked the cover, I had to keep coming back for more. I can't go a few hours without diving in.... The Word of God is alive! I have never really understood what that meant until now. I can feel Holy Spirit inside me and coming out of me when I interact. I can also feel it when He is gone. That still happens frequently.

One thing that has been so....... life changing to me is the fact that He has been fighting for me since day one. He was fighting for me when I was being knit together, by Him, in my mothers womb. He was fighting for me when I was being picked on as a kid, he was fighting for me when I smoked the first cigarette, he was fighting  for me when I was hurt, he was fighting for me when I lost my virginity, he fights for me now. Even as an adult, he fights for me and longs for my heart to seek Him always. I love that about God. He always longs for his children to be redeemed and full of peace and joy. I love that there is no greater love than his, and I don't have to try to earn it. I don't have to try to be "good enough" or "religious enough" or read my Bible enough. I have already won his affection.

Ephesians 5:1-2 " Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

This has been one of my new challenges for myself.... How in the world can I LOVE people when I don't like people. I mean, that sounds a bit rude to say, but lets be honest.... Most people are unpleasant and just plain rude! This can be so hard for me sometimes, especially on those hard days when its hard for me just to love myself. BUT-- Jesus calls US to love all people. Not just our friends and family, but all people. Even politicians, even salesman, even that person that said some really rotten things to you 13 years ago that never asked you to forgive them. All people.

It occurred to me recently after hearing from family and friends that don't come to church, that people in the church can just be rude, and judgey, and just not the type of people they want to be around. That they made them feel bad about themselves... etc. That just makes me SO sad! This is NOT who Jesus is. Jesus is LOVE. We are to be a reflection of Jesus, therefore, we should also be love. Not just full of love, or displaying love, or being loving.... we are to be love.

1 John 4:8 "Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love."

I love this God we serve. When I read passages of scripture like this, it just hits home. Do you have verses like that? It just warms me to read it. God is love. Love is the ultimate picture of Jesus. It is literally his entire existence. He loves us. He is jealous for us. He cares for us. He LONGS for us to love him back, and gives us free will to do so. Sometimes throughout the day I just want to cry and get on my face in worship to this God who loves us beyond human comprehension. My brain literally can't even understand Him or all the ways he works. Or understand how in the world he could love a girl like me. A girl who shouted nothing but hate towards God when she was a teenager, a girl who got pregnant at 16, a girl who lets the dishes pile up to the ceiling, a mean girl, a jealous girl, a girl who puts things of this world ahead of what actually matters... a sinner like me. He is jealous for me. When I worship other things above Him, he is jealous for me. He fights for me. He loves me.

Can you see how much this blows my mind? Truly. This love thing... it broke me. If you are looking for me and don't know where I ran off to... Look for a girl who is dancing in the presence of her creator. She came home! <3

Psalm 30:11-12 "You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent, of LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!"

Psalm 34:8 "Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!" 

Ahhh. He is so good. Don't forget to write back to me and share some thoughts! What is God doing in your life?

Love you all dearly. 

<3 A

Steel Magnolias... Oh you bring me to tears.

I watched one of my most beloved movies tonight; Steel Magnolias. Its a 1989 classic that brings Southern Charm into your television. Lots of laughs, hilarious lines, sweet moments, but also tears... If you haven't seen this movie, I will fill you in, in the Reader's Digest version.

Long story short-- A young woman passes away after having a kidney transplant. Most of the movie revolves around her family and friends, all of whom know that her health is very fragile as a diabetic. When she became pregnant with her son, her kidneys went into renal failure and her mom decided to give her one of her kidneys. A few months after the transplant, her body rejects the donated organ and she goes into a coma that she never comes out of.

Watching this movie as a teenager, it made me sad. (duh.) However, watching it now, as a mom..... Its KILLER. I was a blubbery mess the entire portion of the movie when she was sick. I cannot even begin to imagine that kind of pain, nor do I ever care to. Losing a child is something I pray God spares me from. My children as precious to me as the sweet oxygen that keeps my lungs inflated and my body full of life.

When my son, Kyler, was sick with his ITP the first time in 2012... I thought my world was caving in. There aren't words to describe the sheer terror that engulfs your body when you hear words like "internal bleeding, brain hemorrhaging, deadly seizures" and they have to do with your child. My sweet boy was only 20 months old when he was diagnosed with this scary disease. We had to keep our watchful eye on him 24/7. Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a 20 month old boy calm?! Its NOT easy. Boys want to be running, jumping, wrestling, playing with tractors, and jumping off of the furniture, not watching movies, coloring, and doing puzzles with their moms all day long. It was so hard to confine him to activities that were safe for him and not being able to explain why.

We would go places and know people were staring at him and his bruises. (They covered his little body like the chicken pox do.) Not their fault, its a very rare disease almost no one has ever heard of. We sure hadn't. Anytime he would get the slightest pressure on his skin -- BOOM. Bruise. No matter where it was. One of the worst things was having to hold him down to get his blood checked every week. After a while, though, he got used to it. He doesn't even cry now! What a trooper. He has always been such a strong boy.

Fast forward to today-- we have a very healthy and happy 3 year old in remission. Thank God! We are thankful for every day that we don't have to be giving him steroids or driving to doctors appointments. (He did have a relapse in Feb. of this year but we tried a new treatment that got his levels back to normal within 3 days!) I treasure my sweet Kyler. Watching this movie tonight just brought up all those old feelings.

If you have been blessed with children, hold them tight. They are the sweetest gift God could ever bless you with.

With love,

-A